'I want my children to know how much I loved them': Dying mother writes heartbreaking blog about cancer treatment so her young family can remember her
Katie Scarbrough, 32, was diagnosed with bowel cancer in June 2012She underwent chemotherapy but in September was told it hadn't workedShe has been writing a blog for her children since starting her treatmentShe hopes it will allow Sam, 8, and Sophie, 4, to understand what happened

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Katie, pictured here with Stuart and children Sam, 8, and Sophie, 4, was diagnosed with aggressive bowel cancer in June 2012

Mrs Scarbrough, who was the British junior champion figure skater when she was 18, has blogged the experience in an effort to create memories for her eight-year-old son Sam, and daughter Sophie, four.

Her blunt online diary, which she started last July as she prepared to undergo chemotherapy, documents her daily battle with the disease.

In her first blog on July 8, 2012, she wrote: ‘So, I am 3 days away from starting chemotherapy and still it doesn't feel real, or like it is happening to me. I am writing this and it’s almost like I’m writing about another person.’

Her candid reflections also include the injustice of having the disease as well as the everyday parental concerns for her children when they become teenagers.

On November 20, 2012 she wrote: ‘Is it weird that I get jealous of my own husband playing with the kids, as I want to do the same but don't have the energy’

The next month, she told of her joy at watching daughter, Sophie, play Mary in the school nativity play.

Happier times: Mrs Scarbrough and her husband, Stuart, before she fell ill

Happier times: Mrs Scarbrough and her husband, Stuart, before she fell ill

Her blunt online diary, which she started last July as she prepared to undergo chemotherapy, documents her daily battle with the disease.

Her blunt online diary, which she started last July as she prepared to undergo chemotherapy, documents her daily battle with the disease.

On December 14, she wrote: ‘When I got diagnosed with cancer back in June, one thought that had gone through my head was the fact that Sophie was starting primary school and I wanted to see her in the nativity.

‘The fact she was Mary and I got to see her was the icing on the cake for me!!’

Mrs Scarbrough also highlights the realities of living with cancer and the struggle to stay positive.

Mrs Scarbrough (pictured with Dancing on Ice star Samia Ghadie) says she no longer recognises herself

Mrs Scarbrough (pictured with Dancing on Ice star Samia Ghadie) says she no longer recognises herself

Mrs Scarbrough (pictured here having chemotherapy) has not been able to bring herself to tell her children how ill she is

Mrs Scarbrough (pictured here having chemotherapy) has not been able to bring herself to tell her children how ill she is

The mother-of-two was delighted to see her daughter play Mary in the school nativity play

The mother-of-two was delighted to see her daughter play Mary in the school nativity play

On January 19 she wrote: ‘It's a s**t disease and I can say the novelty of having it has well and truly worn off!!

‘The worst thing is looking in the mirror and seeing what it has done to me.

‘I don't recognise me anymore, I look like a typical cancer patient, skinny, bald and anorexic looking. It's disgusting!!’

And in one emotional entry from Valentine's Day this year – titled 'Ode to my Husband' – Katie paid tribute to Stuart.

She wrote: ‘You are a great Dad and an amazing husband. I love you to the moon and back!

‘Happy Valentine's Day and I can't wait to add further to our memories!’

In her latest entry on March 15 Katie revealed the treatment to shrink the tumour was not working.

Mrs Scarbrough has paid tribute to her 'amazing' husband. She says she is envious of the energy he still has

Mrs Scarbrough has paid tribute to her 'amazing' husband. She says she is envious of the energy he still has

Hoep: She says she wants something good to come out of her cancer battle

Hoep: She says she wants something good to come out of her cancer battle

In a tear-jerking blog, she wrote: ‘If treatment isn't shrinking it and the surgeon won't operate, as it's too risky, my tumour is only going to get bigger, I won't be able to eat and that is my road to a slow death!

‘Cancer has taken everything away from me and I hate it!

‘I hate that it's making me bitter and emotional, I hate that it's given me no hope, I hate that it's made me weak and dependent on people and, most of all, I hate that it's going to take me away from my kids and family!’

Both Sam and Sophie know their mother is ill but Katie and Stuart have not been able to bring themselves to reveal the extent of her illness to them.

Mrs Scarbrough, from Fradley, near Lichfield, Staffordshire, said: ‘My son doesn't read the blog. But he will be able to when he's older.

‘Both of my children will be able to see what their mum went through and they will know how much I loved them.

‘At the moment they are too young, it's too in depth.

The mother-of-two hopes her blog will help her children understand what she went through

The mother-of-two hopes her blog will help her children understand what she went through

‘But it's not going anywhere. Stuart will make sure it is there for them.

‘I am glad I have done it. It is a memory, a keepsake for them.

‘I think about my kids having a future without their mum being around all the time.

‘I want to see them as adults. I don't think I will. That gives me a lump in my throat.

‘There are times when I cry uncontrollably and I think I've done something wrong but I have to find something else to focus on.

‘I need to stay as normal as possible for my kids and myself.

‘Sam asks me if I am going to die and I don't give him an answer.’

Despite having just months to live the mother is continuing to have blood transfusions and cancer drugs in a bid to extend her life.

She said: ‘Doing nothing is not an option.

‘I'd like to take part in Race for Life but, like so many things, I can't plan ahead.

Through her blog Mrs Scarbrough is raising money for Cancer Research UK and Bowel Cancer UK

Through her blog Mrs Scarbrough is raising money for Cancer Research UK and Bowel Cancer UK

‘I really want something positive to come out of me having cancer.

‘If I can raise money for charity or make someone go to the doctor with symptoms, that's what I want to do.

‘That's what keeps me strong.’

Katie is fundraising for Cancer Research UK and Bowel Cancer UK through her blog.

To read the blog in full visit http://www.katiescarbrough.co.uk/