So they AREN'T only after one thing Psychologist claims young men want emotional intimacy just as much as women when it comes to sex
16:23 GMT, 28 November 2012
Girls are taught from a young age that, beware, boys are only after one thing – and it's not your charming personality or twinkling eyes.
But a new book has revealed that this 'Casanova complex' is nothing but a deeply ingrained myth.
Challenging Casanova: Beyond the Stereotype of the Promiscuous Young Male, throws out the idea that all men are players who would rather a high number of sexual partners – instead arguing that they want emotional intimacy with just one person, just as much as women.
Casanova complex: A new book reveals that the idea men are only after one thing, with multiple partners, is nothing but a deeply ingrained myth
The author, psychology professor Andrew Smiler, told Jezebel:
'The Casanova myth is so deeply ingrained that people are convinced
that boys who claim to want relationships rather than casual sex are
either incredibly rare, or full of crap.'
This notion of the promiscuous male, which is mostly passed down from our own parents, is reinforced by media's explosive stories about public figures; infidelities, Mr Smiler explained.
This, coupled with the idea that men are supposedly driven by an evolutionary
imperative to spread their seed, has led women to buy into a myth of male sexual weakness, where they subsequently use suspicion and cynicism as a prevention against the pain of 'inevitable' betrayal.
However in Challenging Casanova, Mr Smiler notes heterosexual young men actually tend to fall into three categories, the biggest group being men who want a sexual relationship with just one partner.
According to Mr Smiler, there are a small percentage of 'players' who have multiple sexual partners, then an equally small group of young, mostly religious, me who choose to remain abstinent until marriage, and then a larger group who want to follow 'a reasonably traditional, romantic approach to dating.'
Mr Smiler also cites the International Sexuality Description Project, which found that 75per cent of young men, when asked about what they want to have happen in the upcoming month, wanted only one (or zero) partners. Only 25per cent of young men wanted to have two or more sexual partners in the same time frame.
'Young men just want a reasonably traditional, romantic approach to dating'
He says that people find the new research about young men and their affinity for romance hard to accept because the idea of 'caring, romantic boys' goes against the experiences of an older generation of men.
Mr Smiler attribute these differences the widespread acceptance of platonic cross-sex friendship, which until recently, 'was incredibly rare.'
He writes in his book: 'Today, most boys have at least one friend who happens to be female – a “girl friend” but not a “girlfriend,”' which she suggests has transformed young men's attitudes and choices towards sex for the better.
Mr Smiler's book points out that young men's sexual choices usually override the influences of ingrained physiology, which suggests men are ultimately powerless in the face of their sexual impulses.
While biology hasn't changed – young men today have just as much testosterone as their fathers – when it comes to sex, it seems they are reflecting and acting differently, and according to Mr Smiler, for the better.